HOW TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT
In relationships, friction is bound to occur at one point or another. And while things may get heated, there are better ways to navigate the situation so that the relationship between both parties does not get harmed. Sometimes you can walk away from a fight having said things that you regret. Here is some advice to avoid such a happenstance.
Listen without Interrupting
Listening is a skill. And it isn’t a skill that all of us have mastered. In the heat of the moment, you may get so upset and just say anything anyhow. However, calm heads prevail. And so you would need to practice self-restraint so that you might be quiet while the other person shares their perspective. This is powerful. You yourself may want to be heard, so you would do well to listen when the other person is talking. Another thing about this is that in can reveal so much to you. Perhaps you will discover that you gravely misunderstood the other person. So, that is why you should listen!
Stick to the Problem at Hand and use I-Statements
When you argue, you would do well to just discuss whatever the issue is at that present moment. Do not drag the past into the present moment. You cannot move forward looking back. And you must move past things. Even though you may not have forgotten how the other person transgressed against you, you have got to forgive them in order to have any hope of having the relationship that you want to have with them.
And speaking of I-statements. State to them how their actions made you feel. Do that instead of highlighting what they did. That comes off as being very accusatory.
Validate their Opinions and Feelings
When you care for someone, you will want them to know that. So, you have to find ways to let them know. In a discussion about opposing opinions, you should hear them out and not rush them to get to the point. How they feel is valid. And it is your job to make them feel secure in that knowledge.
Seek to Understand and Solve, not to be Right
When you disagree with someone you care about, your aim at that point shouldn’t be to win the fight. It should be to consolidate and come to an understanding so that you may both move forward and continue to be constructive.
Stay Calm or Take a Break if things get too Heated
I have found myself in the position where I have been provoked to the point of nearly saying things that I know I would have regretted in the following instant. At that point, I diffuse the situation by walking away from it. Yes, the argument will have to be taken up again later. But in that moment, it is best to go off and reflect, take a beat and calm down.